Art can change the world… Additionally, the experience of art distracts from daily hardships and inspires people to imagine other ways of living that are less painful…Its experience proposes a more fulfilling life. After all, joy is an inalienable human right, and we in art believe in joy and life… – Carolyn Christov-Bakargiev, Istanbul, 2015

Yes. And then why am I not feeling joyful today? I am only impatient. I am only wanting this process to go faster, to see the colors fall into place NOW and NOW and NOW, not after this amount of time dyeing and that amount of time sewing and then…hanging.

So, I’ve never done this scale of work before. And for years, I did oil and water color. They are fast. Anything is faster than this. As I’ve progressed with this, the process is kind of similar to how I created a painting: have the overall idea, work one area, then the next, and another: and then see how they relate. With this piece, I did the same. I would even take photos – show off: doesn’t this look promising? Now, as I’ve gone along, whole swaths get shifted, maybe re-sewn and then – maybe even then, discarded. The art has its own truth.

I have been accepting of the meditative pace since it was still forming. And now I can see it falling into place – it all making sense. I can’t wait to see it. Part of that impatience is realizing that I won’t really know if it’s how I envision it until it’s in front of me.

And no matter how I feel, my pace will be my pace. It’s like – okay, you chose something peaceful. Be with it. In a way, yes, there can be joy in my expectation, even if it’s just that right now.