a no, or… yes, I like that

After an exciting week of national news, it’s tough to know what to share. I drive a lot to my various Lyme treatment appointments, so I heard many of the acceptance speeches and roaring crowds in the background. It helped to sooth my trying art soul: I have been tackling a project over and over again and I keep NOT succeeding.

I kept THINKING that it’s because I didn’t have a clear idea. True. But I keep getting aha moments that I was sure would be my objective, but… no.

I have on hand a voluminous collection of silk that are left overs from earlier projects. I wanted to use these silks. for this. I started off planning to do a larger piece using the format of an earlier one. I worked on it, redid it, worked on it… and then decided : this isn’t what I want. Forget the format idea.

I found some printed words I loved – a reference back to pieces I’d done with words. But wherever I put the words, the white lines under and above them made the piece look like an American flag or later, a name tag. Forget the words.

I’m on to my third, fourth idea. The hand-dyed silk is beautiful on its own. If I can find a way to show that off, I’ll feel successful.

I recall years ago when I was in school – especially grad school – where I had to PRODUCE art.. It had to happen. And so I did. I would just dye my cloth and make it into one thing or another, and then, have to justify it.

WHY did I make this? Put it into words. Make it into a mind matter.

After all these years, I believe that’s the least interesting question. All those head thoughts, all that mental interpretation. When I make art, I’m responding to color and texture. There is some thought behind it. But ultimately, what I like, what I respond to is – I want to say – more primitive than that. More instinctual.

I like it or I don’t. And it might be just the color. It might be the texture. Or the feeling, the sense I get. But it’s not some grand idea that convinces me.

I think of my art as a sensual experience. I feel into it. It’s either: no. Or, yes.

Maybe even: I love that.

Peaches (she’s the color of the season now.)