I have this pressured feeling at this time of year: many things need to get done as the days get shorter and feel less light/darker. There is pressure in the business that I’m now part of, there’s pressure to do this or that for the weather, and the holidays. That end of the year ramp.

AND then – what? A new year. Open space…

And space was part of the passage we went through in the years this house was being rebuilt. It took 2 years, although I believe that wrapped around one summer in the middle. The second summer it still needed some finish work but we could move in.

Samsun would have been 8 at the time which means NIka was 13. WIth Hunter: 11 and Ariella 9. Nika was old enough to own a goldfish, but not old enough to notice when it hadn’t been fed, so I would take over the care for this “challenged” fish and try to keep it alive.

In the chocolate church (the name of the second building here) – we stored all the furniture from the house during the rebuild time. And in the area closest to the door of that building, all the space was taken up with mattresses on the floor for sleeping. And a tiny table for food and the goldfish. We would spend the day outside: watching the carpenters work on the staging all day, and then climb up on it ourselves later. What was I thinking?

No one got hurt climbing or doing anything wild and crazy. The one bad accident happened a few years later when we were then living in the new house and you could see out – at the dock and across the lake. Samsun was running away from a black fly and slipped and fell: his leg was broken. What cruel timing: it was the beginning of summer and now – in the new house with so many windows- he could watch his sisters having fun in the lake. OUCH.

But circling back to the goldfish – I remember it so well because when we would drive up from Brookine or back to Brookline, that goldfish needed to make the journey. What did we carry it in? That I don’t recall. What I do recall is when that container unexpectedly tipped over en route and – thank goodness – Victor noticed and promptly scooped it up and borrowed someone’s drinking water to keep the poor fish alive.

Which means that Victor and Emmanuelle, my children’s half siblings, would have also been part of the crowd. Why not? Six children, Daniel and me. (No wonder we have so many sleeping bags still). AND – yes, the dog. We had a sweet golden retriever then. Many of us together.

When the one year rebuild stretched into 2 years, we were more than relieved to finally enter the new house. We had been packed so tightly into the chocolate church space, that we walked in: SO much space. We wanted to run, explore, spin around with our arms out wide.

We were reluctant to move furniture in. We just marveled at the light, the openness. Which I must say, still matters. even years later.

In winter when so much time is spent indoors, I feel fortunate that the house I call home offers so much light. Such a feeling of space. What a gift.