When I first met Trum, or after we had gotten to know each other a bit – maybe a year and a half in, I realized that his seriousness was more of a front than all of who he was.

He liked to be caught off guard, to be challenged, and to laugh.

He would say: “To have fun.”

And as it comes close to a year since he passed away, I think of how that phrase gets used and abused. I find that fun is something that happens when you get to know someone, and know them well enough to “go sideways”. To know that they act a certain way, but really? That they can be triggered.

For Trum, it was to trigger his competitiveness. To not be good and fair, but to run ahead. Disobey “the rules”. Go first. Hey! And then he was trying to catch up, get past, be even more inconsiderate. The person who was the epitome of “most considerate” was trying (“What the hell?”) to leave you in his wake.

There was this German movie from years ago: “Wings of Desire”. The part that I’ll never forget is when the main character is speaking to an angel and says something like – “Mmmmmm. What I can do as a human here on earth is to taste this delicious coffee and eat the yummy chocolate…” That’s me, eating the chocolate. The movie, I believe, mentioned smoking a cigarette. He was blowing the smoke in contentment.

The pleasures that might not be good for you, but that you enjoy deeply in the moment.

I think of Trum. I’m sad that he’s not here.

Or … as my friend Ana tells me over and over, glad that he is here, in spirit.

I’ll eat the chocolate for him.

Pat Peaches for him.

And take Peaches out. She’s always good for a romp. “I’m going this way. No that!” I watch Peaches zoom.

So fun.