motivation vs inspiration

A human life is the most complex narrative of all: it has many layers of events which embrace outside behaviour and actions, the inner stream of the mind, the underworld of the unconscious, the soul, fantasy, dream and imagination.

~my favorite John O’Donohue

I’m quoting him here because I seem to have let go of my connection to some parts of myself, I realized only today. Today. The day I finally felt a slight bit better after 7 days of something that was meant to bring me to a standstill. Only now am I beginning to feel appreciative.

And very appreciative.

I got sick. I pride myself on being healthy. But this one got me. It got me when I was going too fast and sensing I still wasn’t going fast enough. I was so stuck on the outside, so not in touch with the inner stream.

One of the pieces of art I was creating was this huge ocean/tide piece. I looked at it today and this crazy thought crossed my mind: I don’t want to make that. (!!!!!) I was going to push myself to do it. I had it all planned out.

Now, possibly tomorrow I’ll wake up and think otherwise. But today, NOW, in this moment, what I want to do is create this a piece whose idea is much more exciting to me. I can’t wait to make it. Wow! I could not say that about the other piece.

Well, there are some technical issues to figure out on this nascent idea. But I can get help with them. It can happen.

Perhaps 7 days of doing nothing saved me a ton of days of doing (you fill in the word). These kind of moments make me feel such a sense of relief. I’m reassured that the self will find a way to be whole.

That the lake water will rise up to join the clouds.